360

Today, my life changed 360 degrees.
There's no free lunch in this world, even happiness has a price to pay.
I am seriously not pointing fingers at anyone..
Trying to slp to forget all those unhappy things again but failed unfortunately..
This time, I didn't cry. But it felt even worst then crying, it's like everything is compress into a small thing in my stomach.
So I tried to force myself to, but it's not really working so.. It's quite bad.

Everyone's treating my feelings like hotel, comes and go. It was my fault, I knew they was just playing with my feelings, I know. He even warn me before, indirectly. I remember every word he says so damn clearly. Yet, I still choose to step into shyt. I was happy, but not for long, and I'm paying it all back now, obviously.

I mean nothing to him, maybe even a bunch of grass in his garden would mean would mean smth to him, but nt me. I'm nt even a damn friend of his, im just nothing.

Lord, maybe I Shldnt even ask for your help now. I only talk to you when I need help, I'm so selfish.. Trying to live my own way all along.. Hurting other people, hurting myself.. I Duno what I'm doing.. I feels like I'm just a stupid, naive, horrible little girl, so ashame of myself..

Nobody cares. Really.

Today's me and bibi's 1st anniversary.
but i didn't felt happy at all.
its suppose to be a fun day, but smth deep inside feels so irritated..

i feel that everyone is drifting apart from me..
every friends i know is going away from me,
i dunno how to continue establishing relationships with them,
they dun seems to want to.


i feel so down, i duno why..
feel like giving up.

心恢恢

Really quite disappointed again. Hate the fact that I'm actually living in hk.
I feel like I'm totally incapable of doing anything, I cant even purchase a 10 dollar thing on blogshop.
Only can ask him or ask fren.. Totally useless,
Then friend ask them help too much so paiseh.
Sandy dun even bother to reply when I asked -.- (Coz already asked her help me buy 2 dresses)
I mean can't really be blamed since if it's me I would have done the same..
But nw even my own bf conclude that Coz the paying method is troublesome so he gave up.
Maybe it's because of my lousy social skills that end up so pathetic..
The world is merely build on money.. Who would waste their time if there isn't a benefit? Sigh.
Where's all those love that once exist?
He say we can start over again..
Can we?
It seems so impossible to me as everyday pass..
Should I continue hoping?..
Why is everyone so selfish? Even Ppl that are so close to me..
God, I'm Lost.. Do you really exist?
This world is really turning destructive.. Devils took over everyones heart.. Where are you? Can't you do smth to help everyone? Can you take me away too? T.T

Scared

I feel like I'm back to the past.
Where I got I person I want, but nt happy with him.
Is my love really nt enough for him?
I'm crying again everyday, I'm scare to talk to him.
I'm scare to tell him what I feel, coz I know he won't be happy to know how I'm feeling.

i know im so selfish, i write stupid shyt like this even through i know he would see.
Sorry bi.. if i hurt you, sorry....