i've lost the ability to blog. -.-

Can't help but to admit that im still living in the past.

i want to have that freedom, i want to have those friends and days back.
it is painful sometimes, but so hard to forget.
the days when im just fooling around in school with weili and gangs,
copying homework together.

that's call life.
what now is totally not life okay.

i totally forget to hand in my eng lit homework before shanghai.
until like days later.
that's stupid, and irresponsible.
and i hand it in before i even see the teacher's comment.
so i just commit the same mistake again
THATS VERY STUPID.


This is just not my country, i had totally no obsession in living here at all.
even after like almost a year.
i prefer that maple illusion life style when i get a whole lot of buddy online talking to me in fm20.
thats time consuming and not bored at all.


i just bought a camera not long ago, and im getting bored of it already.
somehow.
i suddenly feel like im just wasting money on my own desire,
to fulfill some missing piece from me.
i didnt really need it, and now im looking for a better one already.
Like the iPhone 4, and that big camera <:

and my father is happily buying me what i desire,
thats coz he want to fulfill me for what he cannot provide when other father could.
well, i can feel it, i appreciate it.
just not enough. its never enough. neverending stuff that i want, neverending stuff that people invent.
i even think of buying that kind of terrace house next time.

thats just a dream, i know it. an illusion, a fantasy. that will never come true.
i know i know, yet i dont know.

so, i dont know how to please him, when i cant please my deep self.
he is good, nice, very good, very nice.
just a sorry, yet my princess attitude wont allow me to anymore.
i can't find a fault in myself, how to say sorry to others?
although i might just forget about it the next day,
but somehow pride wont let me. such a failure. -........................- sigh