Looking at this blank page again, dunno how to start.
so many things in my mind, so little things to express out.


today i called him late when im going to sch coz i chatted with my friends on the bus,
and though it was okay to call him once i go down the bus.
of coarse, it was just my imagination and me thinking it was okay.

he made a big fuss about it again, and i hung up angrily.
So after school, once i on the phone i waited for awhile for msgs.
none came.
abit disappointed i called him and acted as if nothing happened.
and of coarse he couldnt do the same and continue fussing about it.

okay fine, so i apologized.
so we went fine for awhile and things started again.
he started talking very rudely to me about the morning matter again,
and many thoughts started to enter my mind at the same time.

Fortunately, god saved me by auto disconnect our phone call.
so i wouldnt need to embarrass myself though the phone itself.
tears started to foam in my eyes, and i had used up my tissues in school,
and somehow a piece of tissue appear in my pocket, save my life again.

He really did changed alot, maybe that feelings goes same for him too.
i cant deny that i didnt.

isn't when two person know eachother more and longer, then they won't love each other as much as before?
the ugly side of them start to show because the rest are just pretense?
because they feel that everything is meant to be?

if its the him last time if i say i want an iphone, he would have at least say ok i buy for you next time.
now, he wont even bother to say and start saying i love to waste money, blah.
if last time i tell him i want to chat with my friends awhile thats why call late, he wouldn't have had that super big reaction, i mean its not like im talking to boys or whatever bad stuffs -o-
recently he also starts to suggest break ups, i don't know what motivates him to, maybe its just me. but i never says it, and he did, not once, but thrice.

is it really my problem?
i tried to be the bad guy and apologise and hong him what..
why am i so selfish? why is he so selfish?
im feeling so unhappy everyday now, theres always something new.
how am i going to spend the rest of my life feeling like this..
suddenly feel like my mother is right for the first time again.

Doraemon ah Doraemon, help me ):
i want last time de me, last time de him, last time de place.
can you give me????!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! @@@@@@@@@@@@@