feelings

one word to explain my feeling:
disappointed.


finally finish school!
today change seat, and was hoping for a better seat for more socialble people,
but turn out worst. sigh, whatever!

really exercise alot today,
was late for school for 3 minutes, run like a mad dog, saw the gate closing but didnt manage to make it.
sobs.
after school took bus home,
saw a quite interesting thing (:

there was a retarded guy, those really retarded brain got problem de.
when he got off the bus, he say byebye to the driver and everyone else on the bus.
(very loudly, everyone can hear cos not those very big bus.)
then my first reaction was,
he is so retarded -_-

but then i start to feel ashame of my reaction.
after i think about it on the bus,
i start to feel abit respect him, at least he still had that warm heart inside.
taking it out and give it to others, how many people in this world actually do this?
i wonder, when im young, did i do silly things like this too? :X

in this modern society, everyone seems to have this wall inside their heart.
strangers and strangers everywhere,
neighbours living next to eachother but still duno their names after yrs.
family carrying motive to eachother.
lack of communications everywhere because nobody want to take the first step.
first thing our mind tells us when we talk to a person is :
"what motive is this guy carrying? dun believe him safer."

because afraid of getting hurt, we choose not to believe anymore.
seems like its not a choice for us anymore, it is a must, a way to survive this society.
which also carry this sorrow to the next stage.

maybe that boy on the bus, because most of us wont do such "stupid" thing, thats why this thing become stupid.
maybe, he would have give up saying sooner or later too.
but if at that moment, people reply his greeting with a smile,
would things be diffierent?

which leave myself another unanswer question,
if yrs ago people reply me with a smile too, will i be the same today?

so today basically whole day im thinking of this no point things after lit lesson.
i hate lit lesson, it teaches about modern society.
and im so paying attention at it during that specific lesson.
i dunwannnnnn, make me think so much! >:(


when can i escape this period of hard time,
make me wonder.
when everything in life is going downturn,
really want to find a place where i can have some peace without anybody,
maybe just a shoulder, so that i could cry and scream all this stress out.
i wan to study psycology but i think i nid a treatment myself first ._.
sigh.. staring back at my own eyes,

only see one word. TIRED. lols :X