心恢恢

Really quite disappointed again. Hate the fact that I'm actually living in hk.
I feel like I'm totally incapable of doing anything, I cant even purchase a 10 dollar thing on blogshop.
Only can ask him or ask fren.. Totally useless,
Then friend ask them help too much so paiseh.
Sandy dun even bother to reply when I asked -.- (Coz already asked her help me buy 2 dresses)
I mean can't really be blamed since if it's me I would have done the same..
But nw even my own bf conclude that Coz the paying method is troublesome so he gave up.
Maybe it's because of my lousy social skills that end up so pathetic..
The world is merely build on money.. Who would waste their time if there isn't a benefit? Sigh.
Where's all those love that once exist?
He say we can start over again..
Can we?
It seems so impossible to me as everyday pass..
Should I continue hoping?..
Why is everyone so selfish? Even Ppl that are so close to me..
God, I'm Lost.. Do you really exist?
This world is really turning destructive.. Devils took over everyones heart.. Where are you? Can't you do smth to help everyone? Can you take me away too? T.T

Scared

I feel like I'm back to the past.
Where I got I person I want, but nt happy with him.
Is my love really nt enough for him?
I'm crying again everyday, I'm scare to talk to him.
I'm scare to tell him what I feel, coz I know he won't be happy to know how I'm feeling.

i know im so selfish, i write stupid shyt like this even through i know he would see.
Sorry bi.. if i hurt you, sorry....

I FEEL SO UNHAPPY,
I FEEL SO UNHAPPY,
I FEEL SO UNHAPPY,
I FEEL SO UNHAPPY,
I FEEL SO UNHAPPY,
I FEEL SO UNHAPPY,
I FEEL SO UNHAPPY,
I FEEL SO UNHAPPY,
I FEEL SO UNHAPPY,
AND I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHY.
CAN SOMEONE HELP ME PLEASE?????!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

...........

Homework half done, i dunno how to face tmr.

Hug Koko and cry with her in the hot running water,
she seems to be same as me.
Nobody cares about her, nobody really needs her, nobody plays with her.

i want Sandy's shoulder, Ruth shoulder, Daphy's shoulder.
Just a hug, it would made such a big impact to me.
I wish that things was just the same as the past,
so that i won't be so afraid if i fall.
Cause, there's someone there.
But they're all far far away, a place that I couldn't be there.

I don't have the ability to open up,
and find another shoulder for myself.
Koko's what I left here.

The duno how many'th arguments.
i know we couldn't continue much longer.
The day is near, quite near, none of us wants it to come,
I believe.


Not because we don't love each other,
not because we are unfaithful.
I know both of us are trying very hard to mend it,
but im really running out of hope.
I always try to be silent, ignoring nowadays.
it is really not a good sign.


Love, maybe just not enough.
Love needs forgiveness and understanding.
My fault maybe, since none of my relationship really works out more then a year.
tried to change it.


Hais, i dont understand him.
He doesnt understand me.
Maybe im just scare of losing him, coz after that i dunno how to live on.
All alone without any support.
I feel so scare..

We are arguing almost 4-5 days in a row now.
anyway, i lost count. just everyday.
i wonder if it would becomes a phenomenon.

it hurts me, i get sorry sometimes when i know im in no wrong.
but i know just simple words we could end it a day.
i dont know how long it i can last.

He is speaking to me lesser and lesser time everyday.
not even 2 minutes or 1 today.
when he was the one that complains that i always dont call him to chat wen he's working.
today's abit different.
He said it was his fault, that he wants my attention or smth.
thats not the point.
i cried. Of coarse, he didn't know that. since it is just a minute's time of interacting.


I am the one changing, or is it him?
And my mother is talking damn loud now.

this is just a deserted blog that no one cares anymore.
this is so miserable.
well i will visit you sometimes i think <:


irritated. always come to this page then duno what to say.
today i bought my koko new stuffs (:
got sweet corn, expensive bedding, toilet sand and mineral stone?
haha. i know i had to save for iphone..
but i dunwan to buy a life and just let her suffer in the poor small box.
sigh, i always had this guilt that like i just destroy a small animal's future.
shldnt had buy her at the first place.


me and bibi's relationship had definitely gone off the drain.
i dunwan our relationship to be just as fragile as the others.
but i really cant deny that it is.
what can i do.. i really put alot of effort and hope into this relationship,
i wan to show my mother that this is not just a puppy love.
can i ? im not as sure as i am before anymore.



hais what is my future going to be like...........
so miserable and unclear.

Looking at this blank page again, dunno how to start.
so many things in my mind, so little things to express out.


today i called him late when im going to sch coz i chatted with my friends on the bus,
and though it was okay to call him once i go down the bus.
of coarse, it was just my imagination and me thinking it was okay.

he made a big fuss about it again, and i hung up angrily.
So after school, once i on the phone i waited for awhile for msgs.
none came.
abit disappointed i called him and acted as if nothing happened.
and of coarse he couldnt do the same and continue fussing about it.

okay fine, so i apologized.
so we went fine for awhile and things started again.
he started talking very rudely to me about the morning matter again,
and many thoughts started to enter my mind at the same time.

Fortunately, god saved me by auto disconnect our phone call.
so i wouldnt need to embarrass myself though the phone itself.
tears started to foam in my eyes, and i had used up my tissues in school,
and somehow a piece of tissue appear in my pocket, save my life again.

He really did changed alot, maybe that feelings goes same for him too.
i cant deny that i didnt.

isn't when two person know eachother more and longer, then they won't love each other as much as before?
the ugly side of them start to show because the rest are just pretense?
because they feel that everything is meant to be?

if its the him last time if i say i want an iphone, he would have at least say ok i buy for you next time.
now, he wont even bother to say and start saying i love to waste money, blah.
if last time i tell him i want to chat with my friends awhile thats why call late, he wouldn't have had that super big reaction, i mean its not like im talking to boys or whatever bad stuffs -o-
recently he also starts to suggest break ups, i don't know what motivates him to, maybe its just me. but i never says it, and he did, not once, but thrice.

is it really my problem?
i tried to be the bad guy and apologise and hong him what..
why am i so selfish? why is he so selfish?
im feeling so unhappy everyday now, theres always something new.
how am i going to spend the rest of my life feeling like this..
suddenly feel like my mother is right for the first time again.

Doraemon ah Doraemon, help me ):
i want last time de me, last time de him, last time de place.
can you give me????!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! @@@@@@@@@@@@@

i've lost the ability to blog. -.-

Can't help but to admit that im still living in the past.

i want to have that freedom, i want to have those friends and days back.
it is painful sometimes, but so hard to forget.
the days when im just fooling around in school with weili and gangs,
copying homework together.

that's call life.
what now is totally not life okay.

i totally forget to hand in my eng lit homework before shanghai.
until like days later.
that's stupid, and irresponsible.
and i hand it in before i even see the teacher's comment.
so i just commit the same mistake again
THATS VERY STUPID.


This is just not my country, i had totally no obsession in living here at all.
even after like almost a year.
i prefer that maple illusion life style when i get a whole lot of buddy online talking to me in fm20.
thats time consuming and not bored at all.


i just bought a camera not long ago, and im getting bored of it already.
somehow.
i suddenly feel like im just wasting money on my own desire,
to fulfill some missing piece from me.
i didnt really need it, and now im looking for a better one already.
Like the iPhone 4, and that big camera <:

and my father is happily buying me what i desire,
thats coz he want to fulfill me for what he cannot provide when other father could.
well, i can feel it, i appreciate it.
just not enough. its never enough. neverending stuff that i want, neverending stuff that people invent.
i even think of buying that kind of terrace house next time.

thats just a dream, i know it. an illusion, a fantasy. that will never come true.
i know i know, yet i dont know.

so, i dont know how to please him, when i cant please my deep self.
he is good, nice, very good, very nice.
just a sorry, yet my princess attitude wont allow me to anymore.
i can't find a fault in myself, how to say sorry to others?
although i might just forget about it the next day,
but somehow pride wont let me. such a failure. -........................- sigh

I wonder when he's going to wake up.
quite a sad day today i must say.

otherwise i wont blog right? ):
sigh.

It hurts so much when you knonw the person you love didnt really understand you..

my hearts hurt so much that i dont even want to voice out anything.
so disappointed..
to him all i was doing are wrong, every thing i tried to do is wrong.
i want to explain, but gave up knowing that it is useless anyway.
my existence in his life just add more stress to his life,
make him have lesser time to sleep.


at least this is what i understand from my perspective, from what he says..
i dont know is it my fault or not, for being too irritating and sticky.
i wanted to hide all those sad feelings to myself and talk to him again,
but i couldnt do it.
i cant bring myself to pretend that i feels okay when im not.


love can bring you to heaven, so is hell.
i love the heaven feelings too much ):

i think i am too impulse on buying baby just because of my own desire,
when i know i dont have the ability to take care of her.

me and baby's new love :D
our daughter! she's sooooooo cute!!! hehehe.
Her name is Queenie, Breed: Japanese Spitz
her home located in Singapore.


that's why i only can stare at her in the webcam everyday ):
can't wait to touch her la!
15 more days to our first meet):
she's going to fetch me from the airport <:

Sometimes, you are just so happy that you feel lost.
it doesnt make any sense, neither does many things in this world.

ashleylau is here coz im bored.
:B


hehehehe.
okay, im sad not happy.
coz baby is on the plane now, not coming to see me but going home. ):
need to wait another 2 weeks before we meet again..
i need more money!!!@


hehe, okay i went ocean park with him ytd.
im so happy!
except smth happened in the middle.
but those dolphins are sooooo cute omgzxzx, hahaha.
my mother treat him quite nicely, just wish july faster come
T_T


okay, photots uploaded in facebook,
go see it yourself :D
tata!

it had been decades since i last blogged. :B
NO EMO POSTSSSSSS I PROMISE!!


heheheh, okay, errerrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr
post what ah. duno ley.
-o- , countdown again.

2 more days to his arrival to HK :D:D:D
i duno how its going to be, i mean fun or nt,
i just scare he is going to be super bored when i go sch la!
like DUH. okay, whatever.

school is getting fine as i just had my warm-up with my classmates.
YES I FREAKING TOOK 6 MONTH TO WARM-UP!
god -o- .

awfully sian about AVA somehow, keep playing
castle rock/scropian/prison break/chromite
thats all. hmmmmmmmm.

today saw a guy squeezing his gf's butt in the middle of the street,
cant help but feel abit disgusted,
i mean go find some not so crowded place or at least a wall behind to do it mah,
but thinking if i actually do the same on the street too ~.~
well, maybe i really did. Lol.


Bored,
"most people never have to face the fact that at the right time and right place, they’re capable of anything.”
copied from Chinatown quotes.
darkness in humanity, i guess not only happens in the 1970s, even now it existed in a large scale.
then what is brightness in humanity -o- when almost everyone is evil.

No doubt, once i feel emo the first thing comes into my mind is
BLOG.


we really get into more and more arguments recently,
makes me doubt more about this love.
he is really a good guy, with some bad points,
but definitely a good person to have.
then, maybe maybe its just me.


i feel so tired and stress, so is he.
i know perseverance is the key to success, but how long more do i need to persist?


dunno how to express. -o-
just feeling something, omg i dun even know what im feeling. zxzx

Happy Birthday!

A post before i collapsed into bed xD ,
didnt get to revise my test for tomorrow AT ALL.


today is such a busy and bad day,
bad bad day, and thus i got a bad mood like usual.

Suddenly feel like viewing his blog, and i saw some new posts,
after reading it, i cried for like 1 minute, without the help of music,
which means im really sad . )':

(i decided to blog before i view those posts)


After his school starts, many conflicts started by.
He is stressed about his school and work, and im stress too,
so when two people so tired they tend to lose their cool easily therefore conflicts always just come by without reason.


Like today, i personally think its stupid.
and after arguing on the phone,
(its like the first time that i finally dare to raise my voice out and argue back, coz usually is the guy scolding/talking, and me shutting my mouth, must be the influence of R -3-)

anw, after i hanged up i went daydream on my way home.
its like plucking my earpiece into my ears but forgetting to play music for 10 minutes?!
i tot i wont cry, but did anyway in the end, for less then 1 minute in the bus.


feel too tired to continue the war with him, so i gave up and pretended that nth had happened.


While on the bus,
many thoughts came rushing into my mind again,
again realize that there's no such thing call "forget" , coz i can only pretend to "forget" ,
abt my past i mean.
situation like today, they would come back and irritate me.


This few days argument he just keep empathizing that his life sux.
okay, i know your life sux, i mean whose doesnt?
i think my life sux loads too.
but whats the point of dwelling on it and crying about it and blaming on it,
when after all the tears and emotions, you still had to live through it,
so why not just LIVE IT and accept the way it is?

Call it fate, destiny, whatever.


This is a really long post, i know.
but not like im going to post again any sooner so just bare with me okay? :))))


My birthday is coming in 5 days,
i personally think its going to be an original day like the rest of the 365 days or maybe with a little good luck along the day :x
i hope if im lucky.

i will just sit at home and AVA the whole day after school right away,
take it as a celebration to myself <:
maybe wait for bibi's present sent to me.
i think that will be the only present im receiving this year, hees better then nth :x

So i will have some early birthday wish coz i wont post on that day i think.

1) Grow slimmer (i got this wish for 3 yrs already, no meaning at all -o-)
2) Get rid of my pimples. (it would increase my self-esteem IMMEDIATELY!!!!!!)
3) Last long with bibi, hope we could live until white hair all drop (oops did i squeeze 2 wishes into 1, hehehe)


yes, may all this come true pleaseeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!!!!!!!!
especially the 1 2 and 3 one!!!!!! LOL!

真的戀愛了

i truly want a forever with you. :)

its such a long time since i blogged, i realize,
when a person is filled with happiness and hopes,
you didnt need to share with others, like write it on a blog.


like me, i like to write blog when im emo,
something that i sees in life that is interesting,
or out of boredom. hees.

im living really well, really want to share this with you readers :)
even if things are not going out smoothly for me in life,
problems in school, long distance relationship etc.
i still feels quite contented , yes surprisingly.

haha.

he slept for so long, i didnt feel any negative feelings like i did last week.
infact, i just want him to get enough of rest, this is the way to love someone issit?
much to learn still.

this little bit of happiness,
im glad i have it, but on the other hand, afraid.
god, please dont take it away from me :(

something warm rolled down my cheek moments ago,
is it tears of joy or .. ?
im starting to feel strange even to myself.



傳聞浪漫太快, 愛戀都走得快
才會遲遲未步向你, 說一世愛護你

POST

A post before i start on my AVA :D

holiday today, but not enjoying it coz bibi had to go to school.
yes first day of his sch and im already making a big fuss abt it for the past 3 days.
im sooooo childish.


i lost count on how many days then i could meet him.
thats good :D

and for the first time of my day , (or maybe second)
im glad to have my parents coz they support our relationship , or at least they didnt oppose.
:B

so is his parents.

maybe is a token of relieve for me and him since our r/s is harder then any others out there.
WE CANT MEET WHEN WE FEEL LIKE OKAY.
thats hell.

like im on the street feeling bored and would like some company,
especially in HK when i got no contacts in my phone.
he couldnt come over even thru he is so damn free waiting for me at home.
it feels kind of a pity in situation like these.

):

and the worst is, his salary all goes into aeroplane fees and spendage when im over,
which leads to his dream laptop being in fantasy and not reality.
(thats smth i feel QUITE guilty abt and cant do anything to help coz summer had arrive and i need a new stock in my closet <: )

hehe. do hope my father could sponsor my july air fees so i could live even better.
actually my allowance is more then enough but ofcoz there's no such thing call "enough" when it comes to the term - money. :B

pimples.

i hate my pimples on my face,
they are the root of problem.


): .

(:

Some time since i blogged.
my 10 days holiday is over, and now back to boring school.
first day of school skipped.


boring. 38 days.
p.s. people were looking at my back caring for me, i didnt realise.

To you.

so tired, yet not tired.
last day of school tmr (:

im sorry love.

(:

Finished my homework after 3 hrs, very tired.
feeling guilt in my head.

Happiness.

i am happy (: .


p.s. pasts are to be forgotten.

i hate blog, but i cant not to anyway.

the pain is rooted in me so deep that a phone call could dig it all up again.
i hate to admit it, but all he said in the past was all revealed again.

he say,
no guys like to see their girlfriend to write emo posts, coz they doesnt want to know that the girl is still feeling so unhappy upon being with them.
i thought someone in love with me would like to know what i really feels,
but i made a mistake, coz its not true.


he kind of scolded me just now.
the person who says he will nvr get angry or hurt me scolded me.
fine, scold in a not so rude manner.
i can see he is trying his best, coz its really my fault.

but his speech stuck me cold.
my heart froze, pain floating underneath my skin.
he reminds me of how Rave use to scold me everyday.
the exactly same feeling.


i feel so afraid and scare.
i hate blogging.

Call it Fate.

a post before i sleep (:

why, i feel like im still living in the past.
just like how im so not use to the life now.
something in the past that i held so tightly on,
and lost that persistent as time passed.


like that video that i posted on facebook today.
the me few months ago would NEVER post it out so openly,
shouting at ruth that day for trying to get it on youtube.
yet today, i actually posted it up on my own.


time, every minutes and seconds, seems to be ever lasting.
but the truth is, nothing is ever lasting.
things that you're persisting now might not matters at all after time.


trying my best, im trying all so hard alone.
cant anyone understand?

Cant stop the randomness.

11 more days (:
time really flys, even when it is not enjoyable at all.
lols.


this annoying ava music is floating into my ears (coz i dont bare to off it)
i spend lots of effort to finally get in and that person actually fell aslp like always (?)
can feel why im so fking pekcek.

forget it.
i cant let this prob continue destroying my emotions, CANNOT!
someone need to be the one mending the prob anw.
if he's not going to change, i guess i need to do smth abt it ): .

sigh.
i'll just go into my doraemon show that i haven finish ytd then!
the movies are just soooo good that none of them fail to not make me cry. hehehe.


edited-
finished doraemon and toaru kagaku no railgun's last episode.
i know the name sux. f3
so bored now, still need to wait 15 mins to harvest my flower then can slp.
sounds mad, but i just cant let ppl steal one flower of mine okay?!

lols :X
so i'll blog abit longer.
finding random ppl to talk to in msn now.
getting all sarcastic about anime, lame.
i feel like i just wasted my this one day holiday away without doing anything satisfying.
didnt get to improve my shooting skills too (althru i secretly played one game and won so easily that it feels so sianzxzx) :/


okay 10 more mins, i successfully wasted 5 mins... -o-
IM SO BORED CAN. SO BOREDDDDDDd.
-'-

-
argued with ruth, boosted with weili, feeling horrible abt friendship now.
why the hell is my time so limited?!!!!!
tearing between this smelly faces that im typing out, stupid. -o-

another week of school, and a camp full of annoying boys.
and then maybe i could get some fun after so long and forget abt all these shyt.


p.s. i saw rainie yang today!

None,

Finally finished the first day of sch after the exam holidays (:
got back my papers, wasnt so bad after all.
only failed chem, and eng lit got much better then i had expected.
hope i could drop everyday except eng lit now :x


Another tiring week next week and i could have my 10 days fantasy.
only 10 days of fun in a whole yr of hardwork. isnt it abit too little ):

sigh, bi went to sleep again. i didnt get angry thru, can see that he is very tired.
which means if his school start, he is going to get more tired.
hope our feelings for each other wont fade, fear draining thru my body. )))): .


what can i do, other then just push my luck harder ): .

Hoping as it is.

Its 15 days away from my big day.
air ticket had been done.
it seems so close, so near, so realistic,
but somehow still feel the urge to stop my hopes from overwhelming.

what if something went wrong?
what if it doesnt go as i plan it to be?
horrible discouragements appear in my cheered mind.
but.

"i am different from the others," he said.
and i believed.


humans, just like to kept on believing.
there's no such things call "i dunwan to believe anymore"
coz even you dun wan to believe,
a place deep inside your heart, you know you still do.


(:

weird.

Fearful Existence.

It has been another week, and im a step closer to my dream.
.
.
17 days later ;D

just received bi's keychains for me yesterday.
am so happy to collect them :D hang it around my keys already, hehs.
this moment, i feel so loved. (:


so, im so free to blog here coz bi AGAIN went to sleep like he always do,
i dont know whats wrong with his body about dozing off in the middle of a conversation,
coz thats so rude. :B just kidding.

whatever, i got used to it anyway. (like real)
I WILL TRYYYYYYYYYYYY HARDER OKAY. -o-

just watched a flim "Legion" after he intro-ed me.
christian please dun watch it, its not so good commenting on god.
im not a christian but i dun really deny the existence of god,
will there really a day that God will give up on her children?


"Come, Ye children, Listen to me,
I will teach you the fear of the Lord. "
PSALM 34:11

is the bible really shows the entirely goodness of God?
forget it.
aiyo, this kind of complicated things dun think better! :B


faster 17 days come jiu hao! WEE!

Speedy Warrior.

life is like this too, things around us are so fast that it became unclear.
before we knew it, it had already passed.

Contradiction.

sometimes, being understanding is so hard.
i know exactly what to do, yet i couldnt bring myself to do it.
This contradict-ive feeling, i hate it! (&$@@$

So, another week of school had passed.
exam started and i sat here doing nothing while my classmate is facebook-ing me whr they had studied to.

nothing to say,

Recurrence

I miss the past, i hate the present.
.
.
.
i miss that ugly MG sch uniform that shows no body shape,
i miss the times when everyone gather to copy homework,
i miss the times when i get half drunk everyday and ruth had to carry me home,
i miss those bitches that talked behind my back before,
i miss those little childish things that i had done,


i miss them all.

was flipping thru some non-close people that i know's fb,
althru there arnt my face in it, but i still felt memories rushes thru my oh-so-calm mind.

Mark of blame.

.
.

The taste of fear, for the future, past and .. maybe present.
i found out more and more things that i shldnt know,
people who are not close & close to me.


It feels horrible, like smth predicted's gonna to happen. ): .

Tales of Lies.

When there's light, there's darkness.
no matter how i look at it, feels like my soul is just envelop by sugar.
Do you know, the great Devil Lucifer was once an Angel? (:




it had been another week since i posted- !
so, this is the long wait-ed ------ MY POST!
lols, -o-ll


yesterday i didnt go sch! did-not-go-schooool!
WEEEEEEEEEEEe, im so happy , yet not.
coz something happened in the morning.
3 days holiday <3. style="font-family:yui-tmp;">有一天，父母對兒子說：「你乖，你乖的話爸媽就多疼愛你」僅有三、四歲的兒子不太明白，也帶點不甘的道：「那麼算是真正的疼愛嗎？不乖就不疼愛了嗎？」這話嚇倒了父母，他們沒有想過僅有三、四歲的兒子，竟說出了這樣的話。

小事一樁，卻帶出人人都忽略了的道理。

大家有試過對情人的轉變，而對對方感情轉淡嗎？情人總會說：「你變了，你以前不是這樣的。」似乎人人都會抱怨，情人有些事兒，比起以前不夠體貼，不夠溫柔，不夠體諒，不夠好。接著，開始埋怨；然後，就是轉淡；過後；可能是分開；甚至，演變成憎恨。

再想想上述的故事，小孩子清楚的帶出了一個道理：不乖就不疼愛了嗎？不好就不愛了嗎？愛，是要條件的嗎？

要是愛侶不如往昔般對你好，就要捨棄了嗎？真正的愛，不該如此吧？其實大家都應該很清楚上述故事，對於兒子的問題，一定是「不」。因為父母不可能因為自己的小孩不夠乖巧而不再愛他們。因為那就是真正的愛。

那麼你對你身邊的愛侶呢？真的愛嗎？有沒有想過，假若有一天，對方對你的好，不如往昔，或者不合符你心中所想，你還會愛他嗎？

假如你的答案是「不」，那麼，你是愛他的人，還是愛他對你的好？

愛情從來就是騙人的東西。

說話可以假、感情可以假，連對方眼中的缺點都不知何故會變成優點。

即使雙方的相處也如是。

相愛時咀裡總會說著要坦坦白白，可是到對方坦白的時候，有多少人可以接受對方說自己錯?!
即使心甘，也總會有刺，覺得無奈、覺得無助。

結果慢慢地，為了不讓這種事情發生，大家都把真說話止住了。騙對方、騙自己，把說話用糖衣包起，變成了甜言蜜語，避開真實，躲進快樂的幻象，卻默默地讓感情步向死亡。
愛情，可真像軟性毒品呢。

到底自己是想讓對方坦白內心的想法，誓要一起解決問題?
還是只想對方哄你說佈滿糖衣的謊話呢?

So, another week of fun and laughter is gone.
i suddenly again feel soooooo far away from happiness.
thinking abt sch tmr, *faints* .


manage to spend 3 hrs today to chiong finish all my homework.
i won the devil inside me and manage not to chiong inside A.V.A instead <3
*determined to own junior in AVA in few days more*
but sch start cannot train abit hard uh ):

sad. aye, whatever.
i grew off the desire for money TOTALLY,
did not even bother to open my hongpaos, just throw them all into a box.
rofl. when i nid it i shall find all of you :D

and and and I BOUGHT A NEW HANDPHONE MYSELF.
start to regret......... coz its too hard to use. i got problem typing a msg.
same as Junior anw, LD crystal, GB900.


So, in a week i heard two people telling me that,
"girl, life is not just like this" .
then like what ?

Im flirt? just shows how shallow you people are to me. (?)
omg, i seems so unfriendly. :B

Beautiful Determination!

So, the first day of the lunar new year, i stayed at home till 5pm then head out for ahma hse.
junior went to malaysia, so no one webcam with me \-o-/ sian.


and therefore i got lots of time ALONE <: And i spent 2 hrs of these time looking thru 600 plus msg that he sent me in my inbox,
determined to drag myself out of the past, first must start from these useless msges that i dun bare to delete.
i felt pain from inside out while deleting these one by one,
all the empty words. it just hurt so so much.


Smile at my determination today, *claps*. ^o^
(: bye.


After going thru 4 months of heaven/hell (?) ,
i found myself completely injured.

Lifelong Endurance.

its a never-ending path.


happy valentines day and chinese new year everyone (: .

in this boring hongkong without friends.
got more things to do which is to visit family members and more complicating matters.
family members, all just add stress and more stress to me.
sitting in the middle of a crowd, except for being more self-conscious about manners in eating, i guess not much.


So, He feel asleep when webcam-ing with me,
and i went rehearing all the old jaychou songs.
they're still so good at helping you think about serious matters.

i cried just nw, yet i dun feel as sleepy.
that expression, kept appearing in my mind.
i cant help, but think of how would i feel if im in his shoe'
rising so much courage to ask, getting such a shyt answer.

i really grew alot, if its me in the past, i would have nob my head long ago without much thinkings.
i duno if its good or bad, i start to think further,
maybe its how i was taught, to stop being that childish silly girl.
yet i lost the confidence, that tiny hope in others, wishing that they're just do as they promise.


and now, saying that i'll go sleep but writing this crap that i dun know shld post anot.
somehow, i feel so afraid to post emo things after that.
just totally disappointed at myself for everything.
friendship too.
i dun even have the heart to look for sandy's peasant since christmas.
and ruth's ..


hais, dun say le. ): .

when true love fall upon you,
are you able to receive it?

I'll break the stars for you.

vivi and orhorh.





its finally holiday after a long wait.
just before im going to slp, suddenly feel like blogging :D
dun really have smth in mind, just blabbling nonsense here.


today is a fine day, except that my class lose in basketball in my disappointment..
just just just 1 fking score to champion T_T
sobszx.
and so i got hyper after that exciting match and become abit more talkative then usual for the rest of the day :x


AND AND, i received my valentines present before valentine,
WOW la. :x hehs.
happy happy happppppppppppy!

Fate beckons the obvious suffering.

let the picture say everything i want to say :D.

My trembling feet remembers a certainty.

Hey i decide to post once a week, so come have a look on my blog at weekends (: .
i took quite many pictures and wanted to post them but appearantly i forgot to bring my wire.. so nvm . (:



show you my summer uniform (:. its nice, last wk i didnt post it.
.
.
.

When dreams are not enough to protect,
what will us do? run away, sob in this reality?
heaven? hell? i dun even know the way.

I wonder, how long can this last,
im so afraid of its disappearance.
haha, started an anime. (: its quite good.


My trembling feet remembers a certainty.

Doraemon

SEE WHAT I DRAW :X:X

The fallen heaven.

hey, i finally got time to blog.
coz i am toooooo busy webcam, skype, gunbound. :D


and my mood got better,
even thru school still sucks... :x

okay, today is a xia suey day when i am going to the mrt.
because i left my wallet at home, and i only like discover it when i am at the ticket counter.
so, i had to RUN all the way home, and run back.
yup. late again. lol.

after even more suey is, i had to like take mrt with my tuition teacher after tuition.
gosh, i feel so paiseh can.
she say i always smile, make her want to see me more.
laughs* , okay i did get happier ^_^


just that i keep daydream about my july holiday during boring times.
like, before i sleep, in schoool. blah.
hahahaha, very fast de lah!

i bought my summer uniform already~!
it is so chio can, summer please faster come <3.
and you know what, the inside part is EXACTLY the same as my singapore uniform?!
and i thrown most of them away already.
roflll. so, i argued with my mom INSIDE the uniform shop, (it is embarrassing)
about the length of the sch uniform.


oh well, in the end i got one long and one short, coz when the prefects find me i can like wear the long one on the following day. woops.

:x

ANDAND i curled my fringe today, i know im mad since i duno why i go reborn it in the first place..
BUT im going to curl fringe to school from monday onwards. ROFL.
it looks more mature cannnn, <3.


see, i got xin to write a long post now.
happy anot ? readers ?!
or your already abandon my blog. sobzzxx.


anti-emo post for today. rofl.

Emotions.

Hi my dear readers {:
im sorry for neglecting my blog.


just watch finish hi my sweetheart episode 12.
there's a 4 days holiday, but tmr had to go sch already.
i wasted all these precious time.
totally no life staying at home. (am getting bored of gunbound already)
can someone introduce me some global gameszxzx.

and when is my hair going to grow.
im getting so annoyed yet i could not do anything.
sigh.

it feels good after a good sob actually.
since it has been some time.
when then i can have true happiness,
i suffer some time already!!! T_T

(sensing God telling me to suffer few more yrs)



Enveloped by sorrows.
im still that childish kid trying to find shelter.

hi.

IM SORRY READERS FOR TAKING SUCH A LONG LONG TIME.
coz im currently crazily about gunbound and skype with my buddies.
omg la i finally know how to use the word buddy. :x
(last time sandy say what dota buddy)

my mother keep say im crazy coz i will laugh like mad.
then i say "not good meh?"
then she say "i nvr say not good." hehe.

finally found smth to cheer myself up and kill my time.
thanks buddies <3.


so, with my 4 days holiday, (3 actually)
i spend it with my pink vaio 24/7.
it sleep with me, eat with me (i dirty it with kfc chicken the other day),
chat with it to my buddies. SEEEE.



my blog is not safe, i better not write so much :x
bye.

Roxxxy & Rocky.

Hi. i read a news today and i really think this world should just end soon.
so please stop stop preventing global warming from conquering its way,
and just let it destroy mankind.


Today, USA just punblished a seris of new robots call "Roxxxy & Rocky",
their jobs are to satisfy the desireS of human beings -o-
made with the most high quality chemicals materials that feels just as real human skin with a touch,
buyers can choose robots girlfriend to their own likings, from inside to outside, looks to personality!

.
.
here is an exampe.
.
.
.
.
and they are selling at 10k SGD only!!


LIKE SERIOUSLY, what are we women for if these RoxxxyS are created?!
i mean to be fair to the both sexes to prevent sexual* discrimination they created "Rocky" too,
but God knows Roxxxy is going to sell far off better then Rockys..

"Roxxxy stands 170cm tall, weigh 54.43kg, has a full C cup and is ready for action.."
LOL. YOU SEE, the news even only introduce Roxxxy and not a word about Rocky.
this world is just so morally coruptted..
i can already imagine my husband fking a robot infront of my face and says,
"hey sweetie, im not cheating on you."



:/
For more info, please go on http://realdoll.com/
(buy one with just a simple click and dun talk to me already.)

Days of Nightmare.

hey its weekend, but i still have to get up early for social work and bbq for sch.
what more stupid events can they come out with?!











finally a first photo with hk people.


i feel so fking ugly now can?!
thats when those clip-on hair comes in handy.
YOU SEE, YOU MUST ALWAYS HAVE THESE THINGS PREPARE.
for situation like this.


dun worry, you wont see another pic of me with short hair.
im just showing you how ugly is this.

rofl.
but go to school will be ugly, not like i care.
my head feel so light, horrible feeling.
thanks to some ass AGAIN,
you better WATCH OUT.
hmph. angry.


tmr's school again. fk them.
i hate school!

Heartening Reality

dun say help people regain their faith in life,
i couldnt even do it myself.

life still goes on, everyone still goes to school and eat their meals everyday.
it seems to them that nothing change,
the absence of me, is just so insignificant.


to others, maybe nothing changed.
but to me, everything changed.
what is really the meaning NO FRIENDS and LONEINESS.
just so clear so clear.

im not happy that i got this beautiful computer is beacause i got no one to show off to.
if its that me in sg, i would be announcing it around the school.
now, not an insect know about how this event comes about.

just no one cares, and i couldnt say coz its just so stupid.
its like you just met someone today and youre telling him "i bought a dress today".
see, its out of the topic.


and the thing that upsets me is,
i got backstabbed today.

since i got no friend how i get backstabbed?!
yeah, let me explain.

well, im not that angry and sad or upset coz i GOT BACKSTABBED.
coz she's like not close to me at all and i dun have a reason to hate her.
but this reality once again.

rmb that girl that i know in school that i had mention much earlier in my post,
the one that first take me lunch?
she tell the teacher i got extentions on my head. (I simplified the version)
coz she wan to get a good impression from the teacher.
you know prefects book more people got higher ranking or smth?
so, i had to get rid of them by monday.


and no insects know abt this matter except 2 girls in my school.
yeah, i didnt tell anyone even thru im so upset, not even him.
i duno why i just cant open up to him even thru i promise i will try, just duno how to start.
when i talk to him, i will just start to throw temper even thru he is being so nice and torlerative to me.

i dunwan to take another person for replacement just because of the wants of forgetting the past.
its so unfair to them.

I want to cry, out loud to someone on the phone, to just listen and tell me everything is okay even if it is not true.
yet, that person is gone.

finally weekend tmr.
how long more then i can adapt to this life. ?

Pink Sony Baby.

i better start preparing what to write before i got nth to post again.

:x

somehow, grow off that desire to write down abt life.

hehe i guess by now you should know what new stuff i got.

but i didnt feel as happy as i expected thru..
maybe coz i coulnt share this supposingly happiness with that person.

oh well,
am so busy this 2 days.
first time in duno how many years that i had to complete a dinner in less then 5 mins.
basically just try your best to stuff every single thing into your mouth and run out of the hse.

yes, i did that today. ^_^



dun think i will be home before 9 tmr too.
i hate this life la!


okay. i guess there wont be a post tmr.
be patient (;